


The Drift

by LlyaAegi



Category: 2PM (Band)
Genre: AU-Pacific Rim, Don't Judge Me, M/M, Yaoi, cross-fandom, writing challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-19
Updated: 2014-07-19
Packaged: 2018-03-14 19:15:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3422477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LlyaAegi/pseuds/LlyaAegi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An untold story of two pilots from the Korean Jaeger Program.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was my entry for the Unreal 2PM Challenge- Round 2. Enjoy, I guess.

“Kaiju Category 2! Ok Taecyeon and Hwang Chansung! Report to Bay 4 immediately!”

That goddamn alarm. The commanding officer’s voice was obnoxiously loud over the speakers followed by the familiar blaring that rattled the walls. I swore quietly in my bunk, not that there was anyone nearby to hear me. No, I bunked alone, the bottom bed empty for months now. I knew he wasn’t there anymore, but I still slept on the irritating top bunk. 

The alarm wasn’t going to shut off any time soon, so I hauled myself off the mattress and down the short ladder. Every day was the same now. Try not to wake up. Wake up anyway. Gym, shower, food, wander down to Bay 7. Do nothing but stare at the hunk of metal.

“Here again, Kim?” one of the mechanics called, slapping me hard on the shoulder. Changmin, that was his name, mechanic to Guardian Foxtrot. “When you gonna haul your fat ass back into this beast, huh?”

“If I had my way, I would rip this piece of shit apart, one sheet of steel at a time.”

“It’s been four months, Minjun,” Changmin shook his head and finished loading his small truck. “You know he is going to put you back up soon.”

“Not likely,” I scoffed. “No one wants to get caught in the drift with me.”

“Someone will be crazy enough, you will see,” he smirked. “Crazy or stupid enough.”

He waved and sped away towards Bay 4. I leaned back against the wall and stared at the behemoth in front of me. My Jaeger, a giant robot similar to the toys I played with as a kid. She was at least twelve stories tall, one of the smaller ones in comparison, but she was fast. Diesel engines in the arms and legs and computer cables that pulsed electricity beneath the panels like blood vessels. Gleaming red, you would never guess the state she was in a few months previous. But then again, with the Kaiju coming up from the depths of the ocean, you couldn’t predict anything.

The first appearances of the Kaiju were surprising. Monsters crawling out from the hellholes of the Pacific Ocean to plow their way through whole cities, leaving nothing in their wake, it was a global disaster no one was prepared to deal with. Nations banded together and created a force barely capable of defending mankind against this alien race. 

Every nation had their own force of monsters, the new Jaeger program that they used to fight. Each Jaeger was piloted by two people linked to each other and to their machine by a complex neuro connection. Letting your mind fall into what the scientists nicknamed “the drift” allowed a solid connection between partners, but with it came all the memories and emotions that the other carried. Some pilots were compatible, others were not.

Jay and I were a perfect match. From the very first time we hit the drift together, we were the perfect team. Every muscle, every move was in sync. Sometimes we could get through an entire mission without speaking a word to each other. Category 1 Kaiju were about the size of our Jaeger, but the bigger and badder they got, the more categories popped up. And then came the first Category 3 Kaiju in Korea. 

This was a monster like we had never seen. Skin like bone, bone like titanium. The beast had more teeth than I had strands of hair and each one was razor sharp and as long as a carrier ship. Claws and talons were twice that size. It didn’t help that it was a night op and the creature was jet black, only occasionally visible by phosphorous strands of blue running along its body. Jay and I had dropped in with two other Jaegers. I was the only one to come back. 

Let me tell you something. Having one half of your brain, half of your body and soul ripped away from you while you are still in the drift hurts like a bitch. I thought I was going to die. The pain was bad enough but feeling his fear was what nearly killed me.

I never wanted to get back into my Jaeger after that. I was in recovery for two months, and in a stalemate with my courage for even longer. My beast was in top condition, ready to go back out into battle, but I couldn’t pilot her myself and no one would dare try a connection with a broken pilot. That was what I told myself everyday I spent staring at the flawless paint job. 

“Kim Minjun!” The voice of the commander startled me and I jumped to my feet and saluted.

“Yes sir!”

He looked me over and sighed heavily. “Come with me. I have someone I want you to meet.”

“Sir?” I kept pace with his rapid steps. This couldn’t be good.

“I received your medical reports. The chief officer says you are in fine shape to go out again. The matter now is finding a compatible copilot and I have just the man for the job.”

“I don’t think I understand sir,” I hesitated outside his office.

He turned to me, his graying hair sticking out in every direction and a scowl on his face. “I have a perfectly operable Jaeger sitting useless in a hanger, and a capable pilot just as useless right now. I don’t have time to leave these resources wasting away while we are in the middle of a war. We all have a duty here, Minjun, you and me both and by god we are going to do it.”

I couldn’t say anything to him after that and just went through the motions. The tests were fine, my results normal for an experienced pilot in this program and the commander seemed satisfied. It was another two days before I was summoned into the training room. It was empty except for one man on the mat.

He had loose gym shorts and a white tank. Sweat soaked through his clothes and stuck his dark hair to his face. His body moved through a few sets, feet bobbing lightly on the mat as he jabbed at the air. Too inexperienced, I thought. Good form, but too much movement, using too much energy for the actions.

“Are you going to just stand there watching like a pervert?” 

I blinked and he was scowling at me. “Watch your tone.” My eyes narrowed and I slipped my shoes off to join him on the mat. “I am older and more experienced than you.”

“How should I know that? You didn’t introduce yourself. You just stand there staring.”

“This brat,” I muttered loudly to myself and took a quick step forward, sliding my left foot behind his ankle and shoving harshly against his chest, sending him sprawling on the mat. “As a newbie, you should be the one to introduce yourself first. Were you raised in a cave?”

“Fuck you,” he snarled and jumped to his feet, taking a fighting stance. “Don’t look down on me just because you are an old fart.”

He swung a fist right at my jaw, but it was too predictable and it was no challenge to set him off balance, flailing towards the edge of the mat. I shook my head at him. “What is your name, kid?”

He scoffed and brushed his hair from his face. “Lee Junho. Pilot.”

“Pilot?” I raised my brows in surprise. “Of what?”

“A Jaeger, of course.” I could see his eyes roll all the way around in irritation.

I rushed up to him, but he was more prepared this time around and moved out of the way of my leg. “I know all the pilots in this program. I have never seen you before. So tell me truthfully, Lee Junho.”

Slipping under my arm, he managed to twist my wrist around. I dropped to the ground and flipped us over, trapping his shoulders between my thighs. He grunted hard but I wasn’t about to let go before he answered me.

“I see you have met.” The commander sounded smug as he stepped up to us. I only glared at him. “Minjun, get off your new co-pilot.”

“Co-pilot? Him?” I let Junho go purely in shock. He shoved me away and brushed himself off as he stood. “You are joking, right?”

“Do I joke around?” The commander narrowed his gaze and clasped his hands behind his back. No, he did not joke around. Ever. “Lee, go shower. Kim, come with me.”

Junho shot me a nasty glance before grabbing his bag and following one of the coordinators waiting by the door. I watched his retreating back carefully, hips swaying a little more than a normal man’s would. A cough broke my focus on Junho and brought my attention back to the commander.

“You and Junho have 98 percent compatibility. I expect you to be up in Bay 7 in an hour to calibrate your link and get through the initial drift process.”

“Sir, I think there is some mistake. There is no way Junho and I are that compatible.”

“I didn’t think you and Sergeant Park would be compatible either, but alas.”

That stung. “Sir. Does he even know what he is getting into? He is too young. Going through the drift with someone like me-”

“Someone like you?” the commander interrupted, angrily. “Someone who has the experience and the temperament to work calmly with someone as hotheaded as him? Someone who can guide him to be the right type of pilot that we need to win this war? You want to go making judgments about people you don’t know? That is not your job, Kim. Your job is report to Bay 7 in one hour. Your job is to get inside that damn machine and turn it into a weapon. And that is exactly what you will do. One hour.”

I huffed as he stormed away. He was right. I was just a pilot, just a pawn. Like another gear or screw inside the machine, that was all I was in the grand scheme of things. Only important to everyone as long as I worked properly.

But there was that fear in the back of my head. If Junho and I hit the drift and he saw what I had buried in my head, would he still work or would I break him? He wouldn't be the first they tried to set me up with. All that pain and fear there, it is enough to drive any man insane. He would feel the full force of it too. Would he survive? He looked too young, too weak to survive that onslaught. The scientists said we were compatible, but how true was it really?

I took the long way to Bay 7, wandering the halls and avoiding people. I saw the Towers, the two tall men who piloted Guardian Foxtrot together in Bay 4 and they waved me to their table. 

“I hear you have a new second seat,” the older one, Taecyeon said with a mouth full of food. He was a giant man, broad and solid muscle. His partner was built a little leaner and only a tad shorter, but the pair of them were intimidating even out of their Jaeger. They had just gotten back from another operation and looked a little beaten up.

“We will see,” I shrugged, knowing they were hunting for the truth behind the gossip. It would cause problems to their perfect record if I had a companion who couldn’t cut it. It was already a black mark against me and my team that we had lost Jay. It would look bad for them now if we worked together and I lost another.

“Good luck,” Taec nodded and his partner, Chansung only just glanced up from his meal.

I scooted pretty quickly after that, putting my headphones in to block out anyone calling for me. It was only when I hit the correct bay did I pull my headphones off and acknowledge the small man waving frantically at me. Little Wooyoung, fresh from university and able to talk a mile a minute, his grip was more than I was prepared for. His blonde hair hung a little in his face as he released me from his death-grip hugging.

“Oh my god, Junnie,” he started to rattle on, “I can’t even believe we are getting back to work now! I have been waiting for you to come back so I can work on your calibrations. I have this new mod in the cabin that I think you will like. It…”

I tuned him out and watched as Lee Junho walked up. He looked good all suited up, red armor blinking with bright lights as they monitored his vitals. His hair was slicked to the side and he looked serious. Footsteps slowed down as he got closer.

“I think we got off to a bad start,” I cleared my throat. “Kim Minjun, pilot of Disco Joy.”

He shook my hand. “Lee Junho. I have been assigned to be your co-pilot.”

His tone was less than pleasant, but at least we were speaking. “Before we head up there, we need to discuss some things.”

“I already read your history, and the history of the Jaeger. I already know.”

“Knowing and experiencing it firsthand are two different things, Lee. Unless you have experienced death first hand, you will never know.”

He scoffed and it was beginning to grate on my nerves. “I guess you didn’t read my qualifications. Let’s just get this over with.”

Junho climbed up into the lift and shut me out, hitting the button quickly and rising up to the cockpit. I shook my head and sighed. This was going to be painful.

“Junnie?” Woo said softly at my side. “Maybe you should read his file first. There is a reason Khun qualified the two of you.”

Woo handed me a plain file and I flipped it open. Lee Junho stared up at me from a photo that was taken maybe a year previous. His hair was flaming red and he smiled brightly. It was almost a shock to see him like this. The Junho I met was cold and sour. Glancing over his records, it was easy to see how he excelled, top of the class with top marks. Fast, agile, intelligent. Nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary for this program.

Then I flipped the page. Suddenly, all his stats dropped. Belligerent, apathetic, showing up late to training if he showed up at all, his marks went all over the place. Buried in the report was a psychiatric evaluation and I recognized the label.

“Patient shows signs of extreme distress. With the loss of his partner, patient shows no interest in continuing the program. Non-communicative in sessions and apathetic to all offers of continued care. It is my recommendation that Lee Junho is pulled from the program.”

“So why are you still here?” I asked, stepping up to the machine, letting the boots strap themselves to my feet and adjusting my visor.

“What do you mean?” Junho flipped a switch near his head and tugged on the straps holding his chest.

“It was recommended you be dropped from the program. It is obvious you aren’t happy to be here. So why stay?”

His hand paused over the switch as he sighed quietly. “The same reason you are still here.” He braved a glance my direction and began working again. “Can’t let such talent go to waste.” Everything about his tone was sour.

A voice came up over the intercom. “We are all set up in here,” Wooyoung reported. “Setting calibrations, initiating drift link in two minutes.”

“Junho,” I said sternly. “I am sorry for your loss. I understand that sort of pain, I really do. But I need you to pull your shit together or we aren’t going to make it through.”

“I can hold my own, old man,” he scowled. “You should worry about yourself.”

“Initiating drift in thirty seconds,” Woo announced.

I could feel the usual nervous flutters in my stomach. There was no telling what I would see or feel from my partner and a connection like this was more than intimate, crawling inside someone else’s head. Deep breath in and close your eyes.

“Drift link in three…two…one…”

That familiar pull, losing control over everything and falling into the blue, then landing hard into someone else’s head. I recognized the scene, chaos and destruction and the calm presence of Jay next to me. And then the pain, my own physical pain, bits and pieces of my Jaeger piercing my flesh amplified by the pain of my companion. Worse still was the pain of nothing when he was ripped away. Sharp teeth, jaws of death pulling him away with a large chunk of our beast.

Don’t dwell, I reminded myself. Let it flow, ride the wave and let the drift take you where it will.

I looked around and found myself in a very familiar training arena, but these memories weren’t mine. Junho, fiery red hair and cocky smirk working through his sets. He still wasted too much energy with his movements. Scenes shifted and I thought I saw things I shouldn’t have, Junho and another body too close for how undressed they were. 

The scene settled again and a man who looked just like Junho was shouting orders through the visor helmet of the Jaeger’s cockpit. Junho stood there shaking, unresponsive. Alarms blared and sparks flew around in the cockpit, but Junho was frozen stiff.

“Junho!” the man shouted. It was uncanny how similar he looked to Junho. “Pull it together! We can do this!”

The man punched Junho firmly in the arm, jolting him back to reality. Junho shook his head and began working fiercely. Something rocked the entire machine the pair of pilots slammed backwards. Junho looked dazed for a moment and then began screaming. The pain filtered through to me as I watched him try to get back up.

He couldn’t move well and staggered to his feet, pulling his arms up. Wires tangled around him and he began moving mindlessly through a series of forms, his body automatically working despite the fact that his mind was not present. The man at his side lay lifeless and the sheer heartbreak from Junho made it hard for me to breathe.

Don’t dwell, I could hear Junho tell me. Let it flow, ride the wave and let the drift take you where it will.

I blinked hard and gasped for air. Looking over, Junho was doubled over in pain. He clenched his fist and hit his chest hard to pull himself together.

“Junho?” I leaned over, but it was too far in the cockpit to reach him. “Junho!”

“Drift link stable,” Woo reported. 

There it was, that weird tickling sensation in my brain. Junho.

“I’m alright,” I could hear the faint pulsing of his voice in the back of my head. “I’m alright. Pull it together.”

For a moment, I wasn’t sure if Junho was going to stand up and I think he caught my distrust, forcing his body upright, jaw tight and muscles flexing from the tension.

“Stop staring,” he growled at me, taking a deep breath.

I hit the com button. “We’re good.”

“Excellent,” Woo’s voice echoed back. I could hear the tapping of his fingers on the keyboard. “Link stable, compatibility holding at 86 percent. Vitals returning to normal.”

“Let’s get on with it,” Junho huffed in annoyance and I felt his emotions racing through my veins.

“Relax,” I shook my head. “We are going to be here for a bit. And you don’t want to piss off the blonde demon out there.”

Woo protested weakly at the description, but proceeded to rattle off stats to the team. Everything was working just fine. Junho and I worked through a few exercises, calibrating limb movements, making sure everything was in sync. 

It wasn’t like with Jay, where everything just fell into place easily. Connected to Junho, I felt sluggish, fighting with my own limbs. I would go one direction and he pulled the other way. I had to relax and give up control to him or it would start tearing the seams of our connection. Already, the edges my mind began fraying. Junho was struggling to keep his head clear, but every time I spoke, his memories pulled him back in deeper.

Things started to unravel quickly. Wooyoung reported the dropping compatibility rates and by the time it hit the low 60’s, the commander demanded we sever the connection.

The second we disengaged and I was in full control of my own mind and body, I was the first out of the Jaeger, sliding down the banister and down the hall before the commander could stop me. Fuming, that was the only description. Angry that Junho was assigned to me. Enraged that there was so little I could do. Furious that I would be the one to take the blame.

Storming back towards my bunk, I caught sight of the Towers. Taec shook his head at me as Chansung whispered in his ear. So they had been watching, probably along with half of the base. I could feel the scorn and disappointment follow me and I broke into a jog to escape it. Slamming the door behind me, I cried out in frustration. Grabbing whatever was nearby, I flung it about the room, glass smashing and papers flying around. This was so fucked up. 

Then I saw it. Jay’s bunk. It was cluttered, the blanket messed up and a duffle bag rested half empty on top. Oh hell no. No. Nope. That was it. My snapping point. I grabbed the bag, the sheets and all and hurled it towards the door. Aiming a swift kick at the belongings, I forced everything out of the room and tried to slam the door.

“What the fuck do you think you are doing?” Junho grabbed the edge of the door just before it shut on him. My foot went flying towards the steel and the plastic armor on his hand cracked from the pressure. 

“Sixty percent compatibility!” I screamed at him and pulled him into the room by the collar of his armor. “And no matter what I did, you had to fight me!”

Barely registering his fingers digging into my shoulders, I threw him up against the door. If I could, I would be spitting fire, but he only looked at me steadily.

“This isn't just about me, you bastard,” he snarled, his facial expression not matching his words. “You were just as much a part of this as I was.”

“I was not the one who can’t differentiate who is real and who is dead! You aren’t ready! You can’t keep your head straight in the drift!”

“Shut up! You are no better! I hear your screams for him, for Jay.”

I pulled him forward and slammed him back into the door, red coating my vision. His head banged against the door, but he never cried out. “Shut the fuck up about things you don’t know! At least I can act like an adult! You are just a stupid child and you will get us killed!”

“Fuck you!”

The door shoved open and threw the both of us to the floor as the commander walked in. I rolled over and pushed Junho off of me, but my anger simmered, hot coals in my chest. He was slower to stand up but eventually we were facing the commander, still spewing curses at each other.

“That is enough out of both of you,” the man growled. “The entire base can hear your pissing match. Now. Lee. Kim. Explain yourselves.”

Junho said nothing, so I had to speak up. “We are not compatible. We can’t work together because the link is unstable.”

“The link is unstable because the two of you are fighting it. Both of you. You went into it with distrust, comparing each other to your previous companions. That is not how this works and you know it. Acting like children rather than soldiers.”

Junho rolled his eyes and chuckled darkly. “I’m not the one throwing a tantrum like a two year old.”

“No,” the commander turned on him. “You are the one being petty and cruel to your co-pilot while sitting in my billion dollar weapon. Clean up this mess and await orders.”

“He is not staying here,” I spat.

The commander took a threatening step up to me and I struggled to hold my ground. “That is not your decision to make. You are co-pilots, you room together. I have half a mind to handcuff the two of you together. Lee, get your shit out of the hall. Kim, go cool off. I will send orders in the next hour.”

He disappeared, his guards following him down the hall and Junho shot me a nasty glare before picking up stray clothes off the ground. 

“Take the top bunk,” I sighed.

“I don’t want the top bunk.”

“Well I don't want you here at all, but if you have to be here, you are not sleeping in Jay’s bunk. Take the top bunk.”

“Whatever.”

Whatever. That seemed to be the theme for the next week. Just shy of his threat to handcuff us, the commander made us do everything together. Meals, training, rest periods. It was an odd kind of torture. We spoke as little as possible, but still got through. 

Everyone watched us carefully, Junho and I had a silent understanding that we were to look like a match, at least from the outside. It was all a cover, a mask that hid the distrust and the frustration underneath. Only speaking when we had to, keeping to ourselves in the room, ignoring everything in the drift, it was tiring, but at least we didn't kill each other, didn't argue, didn't anything.

It kept the commander away from our throats and most of the team off our backs. The Towers could see it though. Wooyoung and the technical team noticed our lacking but unchanging compatibility rates. But to everyone else, we made a good team, me and this brat.

Of course, it couldn't hold up. We wouldn't be in training forever.

Alarms blaring at four in the morning was not my favorite way to wake up. Frantic steps pounded around me and I cracked open my bleary eyes. The knock on the door was too loud for how early I knew it was.

“Kim Minjun, Lee Junho,” the man at the door stated in a rush, “Report to Bay 7 immediately and await further orders.”

I vaguely saluted and hauled my feet over the edge of the bed. Junho was already up and tugging on a pair of pants. His back and chest were covered in sweat and I wondered if he had been sleeping well or if he had nightmares again. I didn't bother asking because I would find out the moment we hit the drift anyway.

Outside the room, people ran around frantically and I tilted my ear to listen to the intercom. “Kaiju category 3. Crews of Guardian Foxtrot and Disco Joy, report to your bays for further instruction. Commander Park, please report to the nav deck for debriefing.”

“We are going out,” Junho whispered. Risking a glance in his direction, he looked calm, the nervousness covered by that usual mask of apathy. But I could hear it in his tone.

The second we stepped into the bay, people were all over us. The wires that tracked our vitals were taped on first. Then came the thick cloth to protect skin from chaffing under the armor. Plate upon plate of technology held together on strips of metal and plastic were pressed against us next. And then the outer layers of armor. The whole process took a whopping two minutes from the time we stepped in to the time we locked our helmets in place.

“Gentlemen,” the commander’s voice echoed in the helmet. “We have a category 3 Kaiju, codename Urchin, headed directly towards the Busan Naval Base. ETA fifteen minutes. Guardian, you have point. Disco, take the shoreline and protect the perimeter. Be smart.”

“Yes sir!”

Junho and I began flipping switches and getting our Jaeger up and running, just like usual. I could hear the whirring in my helmet, sensors turning up and preparing the neural link. 

“Setting the calibrations now,” Woo reported. “Junnie will be-”

Something cut him off for a moment and Junho and I looked at each other confused. Suddenly he clicked back on and sounded just as confused as we were.

“Commander on deck. Um, Minjun set for right hemisphere, Junho set for left.”

I hit the com button. “Hold on, Woo. I always take point. We have been training this way for weeks.”

“Not this time,” the commander interrupted. “I can’t risk either one of you going off the mark. Lee will take point on left. If anything goes wrong, his ingrained training will take over. Kim, you are on cannon right. I need you to be more flexible.”

I shook my head and moved to switch with Junho, both of us feeling about the same in regards to this situation. He stomped into place and I was just as gentle settling into his place. This was uncomfortable. 

“Initiating drift in thirty seconds…fifteen seconds to link…drift link in three…two…one…”

Don’t dwell. Let it flow, ride the wave and let the drift take you where it will.

We pulled out more quickly than ever before, and I blinked hard. A couple deep breaths and the dizziness passed.

“Left hemisphere stable. Right hemisphere stable. Drift link holding at 89 percent. Beginning calibration sequence.”

With Junho in control, it was hard to let go, to let him lead. There was still no real foundation of trust and it sparked my anxiety to let him take point. At the same time, I understood what the commander was thinking, the reasoning behind it all. Junho had a knack of going through the correct motions even when his mind was not present, something I still hadn’t mastered. But I still didn’t like it.

“I know,” Junho sighed. “This feels backwards.” That was a first, agreeing. “You know I can hear you think, right?” He raised a brow at me as the Jaeger was hauled up by six choppers and transported to the coastline.

“I know,” I dared to smile. “Let’s just play it smart.”

Everything was running smoothly as we dropped down in the water just offshore and waited. Up ahead, Guardian was scanning the water, preparing to fight and kill the monster headed this way. Orders were barked through the com, but Junho and I remained calm at our post. 

This Kaiju was enormous. I mean, they all were, but this was something special. It looked like a mountain range, sharp points on it’s head and shoulders and spine. It seemed familiar, similar to the one that…

“Easy, Minjun,” Junho whispered in my head.

Guardian held their own for a long while. We observed their fighting style, so different from our own. The Towers relied heavily on their weapons, on the rockets and missile launchers attached to the chest and shoulders. But it was enough to begin breaking down the beast. The water rippled around us and I could feel it through the machine. The blue blood of the creature began to pollute the ocean and then everything went silent. No orders, no whispers, no anything.

“Scan Guardian,” I said and Junho zoomed in on the screen. We watched as Urchin launched up out of the water and attached its fangs into Guardian’s right shoulder. All the lights went out and the machine went limp. It looked like the main generator had been pierced through. The two in the cockpit were probably frantic now. 

“We are going after them,” Junho said firmly, and then paused. “Right?”

I nodded. “Let’s go.”

Working together, we trampled forward, our behemoth moving with each of our steps. The water grew deeper and slowed our movements, the diesel engines trying to keep up with our demands.

“Load the pulse cannon,” Junho commanded. “We are going to distract that thing, get its attention away from Guardian.”

I immediately disengaged my hands from the machine and hit the switches to load the cannon on my right arm. The hologram lit up and a sultry woman’s voice announced that the cannon was loading and I watched the meter rise until it flashed green.

“Pulse cannon armed and ready,” I said.

“Engage.”

Junho and I braced ourselves, bodies crouching slightly and leaning forward as I clenched my fist and tugged at the hologram in my hand. My whole arm jerked back at the release of white light. The shock wasn’t too bad and the blast hit the beast in the side without scratching Guardian in the slightest. Urchin roared, head thrown back in pain and rage and zeroed in on us.

“Great. We have its attention. Now what?” I reloaded the cannon and set my hand straight once more.

“Now we do what they couldn’t.” Junho rotated the screen and we got a full view of the monster headed straight for us. 

The beast was faster than we anticipated and it caught Disco right in the torso. It was like getting crushed by a raging bull. Both of us were flung back in the sensors and I gasped for air, trying to catch my breath. Swinging around, I shoved my fist down and felt it connect to flesh.

Pulling as much as I could on the hologram, the cannon fired twice. The Kaiju dropped us and swung around to regain its bearings.

“Disengage cannon!” Junho shouted to me. 

“Disengage?”

He turned to face me. “We need both hands to fight effectively and we can’t do that with that damn cannon reloading. Trust me.”

Trust him? Trust this temper tantrum throwing, apathetic man-child? Okay. I hit the switch and the cannon powered down. Junho thrummed in the back of my head, guiding my body through the forms. I let go and allowed him every ounce of control. Over and over, our fists crashed into the beast, teeth chipping and bones cracking off and into the ocean. Ignoring the pain, the constant jarring whenever we connected with the steel-like body, I let Junho fight, offering no comment, only my strength.

Urchin whipped around, forehead swinging up and the point stabbing directly into our left chest plate, right where our hearts were. Both Junho and I grunted in pain, feeling the connection through each other and the machine. Without even thinking about it, Junho clenched his fists and began pulling his hands in opposite directions. I had no idea what he was trying to accomplish, but my body moved with his. With the sound of an avalanche, I watched the beast’s jaw rip clean from its head, blue spraying everywhere.

“Engage cannon,” he gasped.

I hit the switches quickly and powered up our weapon. It felt like an eternity before the screen turned green. I fired twice, the third pulse weaker than the others but enough to blow a crater through the beast’s chest. Urchin grew heavy against us and we stepped back, letting it sink in the water.

“You alright?” I voiced aloud.

“No,” his mind said, but his words were different. “I’m good.”

“Disengage and see if you can get communications back up with base. I will hold us up.”

He nodded weakly and began resetting systems. It wasn’t long before we heard the frantic screaming of people on the other side. Wooyoung was the one screeching the most, but I could hear the commander and the Towers in their anger as well. Junho fell asleep on the way back to camp and once we were safely away from the Jaeger, I brushed past the commander and carried Junho straight back to the room. Too exhausted to lift him into the top one, I laid him in my bunk on the bottom and walked out. It seemed silly to me not to let him sleep there just because someone else one laid their head in that spot. 

I knew the commander was going to yell at us sooner or later, so I decided to take the beating on myself. He was less than pleased at me coming alone, but got all his frustrations and threats out. Once he was satisfied and blue in the face, I wandered down to the gym. There was no way I was going to work out, I was wiped, but walking on the treadmill was relaxing.

Thoughts of our fight, the Jaeger and the Kaiju, of Junho and Jay, everything circled around in my head. “Trust me.” Those two words repeated over and over. I did, I trusted Junho, and he got us through. Perhaps I had him wrong. Perhaps I had judged him too harshly when I first met him. Perhaps we were more compatible than I gave us credit for, than I wanted to believe.

Stomping could be heard all the way down the hallway and it wasn’t long after that the Towers showed up in the gym. There was no way I wanted to stick around the two of them alone in this room, but luck was not on my side.

Taec stepped right in front of me as I was about to exit. “You,” he snarled.

“Taec stop,” Chansung put a warning hand on his chest.

“Why did you interfere?” Taec ignored his partner. “You disobeyed orders. Why did stick your nose in where it didn't belong?”

“Because you were in danger,” I shook my head. 

“We were fine!” Taec took a step forward, and I could almost see the steam coming from his body.

“You were shut down!” I stood my ground. “All your lights were off and you were offline. We did what we had to do.”

“That Kaiju was our kill,” he seethed. Ah, so this was about their record, egotistical bastard. Did he not realize he would die if we didn't step in? “Who gave you the right to butt in? Who told you to interfere?!”

“I did.” All of us whipped our heads towards the door and noticed Junho standing there, casually leaning against the frame with his arms crossed over his chest and staring at Taec with no expression. “I told him to interfere. I was given point, and I made the choice to keep you and your malfunctioning Jaeger from making a trip down the Kaiju’s intestines. And I would do it again.”

“You should stay away from where you don't belong,” Taec threatened, fingers pointing at him.

Junho calmly stepped up to my side and matched my stance. “Do not ever threaten my partner again. Don't forget it was your ass that needed saving today and rather than yell vapid threats and insults, a quiet thank you would be more appropriate.”

“You little shit!” Taec stomped forward again and I placed myself in between him and Junho. I wasn't the only one as Chansung moved up to stop the other from rampaging. 

Chansung pushed harder against his chest. “Come on, Taec. Let’s go work this off. Come on.”

With a poisonous stare, Taec shook Chan off of him and they walked away. Chansung glanced back once as if to apologize, but stuck close to his companion and headed deeper into the gym.

“You should be resting,” I turned to face Junho. He still looked unwell, a little pale and sweaty. “I know you aren't sleeping well.”

“I couldn’t sleep. It was too quiet in the room. No obnoxious voice or snoring.”

I chuckled and for the first time, he cracked a smile. “Thank you, Junho,” I murmured.

He ignored me like I knew he would, but it was out there, my gratitude. He tugged on my sleeve. “Come on you old fart. I could use some more sleep.”

“Don’t call me that,” I growled and followed after him. “Have more respect for your elders you brat.”

“You know you are only like two years older than me right? You should act more like your age than like this grandpa. It is like you are a hundred years old sometimes.”

We playfully argued all the way back to the room and I showered first. Cleaning off the day and dressing for bed was relaxing. Not to mention, all that tension with Junho has dissipated a little more. As he showered, I looked over and noticed the bed was made neatly and I smiled a little. It wasn't much, I knew that, but it was something.

He shut off the lights and climbed up into the top bunk. It was quiet for a long while before I heard him turn over. “Minjun?”

“Hmm?”

“Thanks.”

“For?”

“For bringing me back here to sleep…and…for trusting me.”

My heart beat a little faster, hearing him say that. “You’re welcome. And Junho?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for stepping in with Taec in there, and for stepping up tonight. I’m glad you are sticking this out with me.”

“Getting sappy, old man,” he laughed lightly and I kicked the bottom of his bunk. “Sleep well, hyung.”

Okay, so this kid wasn't so bad.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pt 2 of The Drift

“Link compatibility at one hundred percent and holding.” Wooyoung sounded so amused. It was better this way, with me in the left seat and Minjun in the right.

Since our fight with Urchin, everything had changed for us. It was no longer the stony silence, communicating only in the drift. Commanders orders, we still did everything short of taking a piss together. But now, we spoke to each other. Minjun told hilarious stories of him in school and I talked about the things I enjoyed. Turns out we both had a love of music, similar tastes too. 

Despite the hard exterior, he was a really warm person. When he cared about someone, he cared deeply for them. The way he spoke of his family made me want to meet these people. I watched him carefully, how kindly he spoke to the tech team, and to the mechanics. I noticed how his brow would crinkle when he was focused, or how his fists balled up when he was controlling his temper. I began to notice everything about him. And it was dangerous.

There was this unspoken rule between us. We were actually quite alike, similar tastes and expressions, similar experiences. But we never spoke of our previous partners. I only knew his former by name and photo, I didn't care to know more. When I saw him, Jay, in the drift, I ignored it. It stung how much it hurt Minjun that Jay was gone. And I knew I could never replace him.

At the same time, Minjun definitely felt the same about my former co-pilot. Jung JiHoon had singled me out in a class of two hundred cadets. He chose me by looking me in the eye. I will never forget that day.

“You know, we kind of look alike,” he said with a crooked smile.

We were pilots, and we were friends. And then we became more than that. A drunken night of celebration and him claiming it was too cold to sleep alone in his bunk. I thought it was going to be awkward the next morning, but it never was. It never was awkward with him.

And it was becoming less awkward with Minjun now too. He wasn’t JiHoon, no one ever could be, but he had that same steady warmth about him. That tenderness you wanted to wrap yourself in. But there was no way I could say anything. Minjun couldn’t know that I was growing attached to him. When we hit the drift, I closed my mind off to those thoughts so he wouldn't see. Occasionally, I wondered if he got a glimpse of them because he would look at me strangely, but he ignored it same as I did.

Just as we ignored the Towers, as he called them. Chansung was alright, but Taec was an ass. Whenever we passed in the halls, Taec would glare and try to say something, but Chansung was always there to steer him away. I thought for sure he would be over it by now, but apparently we had really bruised his ego. He didn't know yet how you couldn't bring your ego with you into the Jaeger, into the drift to fight the monsters. Ego got you killed. I would know.

Minjun never had that problem. As we stepped down from the elevator having taken down our third Kaiju in the last four months, he patted me on the back and smiled. “Nice work.”

“You too,” I nodded and hid the smile that was trying to creep past my control.

“Why do you do that?” he said, placing his helmet on the rack.

“Do what?” 

“Hide your smile. I saw a picture of you smiling once, but it makes me think you don’t know how to anymore.”

I popped my locker open and stashed my helmet. “I don’t.”

“That is just stupid,” he scoffed. “Everyone knows how to smile.” 

He stepped right up to me and I froze a little, not sure what the hell he was doing. “What are you-”

“Smile for me Junho,” he said quietly. “Just a little.”

So surprised, I could only stare at him. He was so close, I could see the flecks of gold in his dark eyes, the tiny lines around his lips, the little scar on his chin. His skin was smooth and his eyes darkened as I stared.

“Not even a tiny smile for me? That’s too bad.”

He quickly turned away and pulled a bottle of water out from his locker. I prayed that he couldn't see the way my heart pounded through my jumpsuit. It was almost painful, making me gasp quietly, trying to keep from falling over. Everything was spinning. This was strange, feeling so light.

“Junho!” Minjun turned and reached out for me. He looked sparkly, his outline fuzzy. “Junho stay with me. Medic!”

Medic? I didn't need a medic. Minjun just needed to stop being so intoxicatingly beautiful.

“I am glad you think I am pretty, Junho,” he said worried, “but you really do need a medic. I think we overdid it today. Shit. Medic!!”

He held me close to his body, the plastic on his armor clicking against mine. Sliding to the floor, it felt so strange having no control over my own head and it flopped backwards. People rushed around, ripping my armor off and stabbing me with needles. But I couldn’t feel anything. I only focused on Minjun’s worried brow, the way it crinkled up. It was the last thing I saw for a while.

It was cold where I was, probably the sick bay. I shivered a little and struggled to open my eyes. My armor was gone and I was covered by the thin blue gown that looked too used. Voices, angry voices echoed just outside the door to my room and I tilted my head to hear them.

“You should know better!” That was the commander.

“There was no hint of it when we were in there,” Minjun growled back and I could see his frustrated face and balled fists in my mind.

“You need to be more aware of him in the drift. He is vulnerable and weak and you know this.”

“Junho is not weak!”

“Then why is he comatose on a hospital bed and not back up in that Jaeger?”

There was silence for a long time and I strained to hear Minjun’s response but there was nothing else except for the stomping of boots down the hall. Minjun swore loudly, and I heard the smashing of a fist against the wall precede a very heavy sigh. The door slid open and he stepped in, still wearing pieces of his armor, creases in his brow and hands clenched tightly like I had guessed.

“You’re awake,” he walked up quickly, sitting by my side. “How do you feel? Let me get a doctor.”

I reached out and grabbed his wrist before he could move. “Just…sit here with me for a second, okay?” I sounded too raspy for my liking.

His eyes were wide for a moment, before nodding and taking a seat. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” I think so. I guess. You know…for being vulnerable and weak. “Do you think I am weak?” My voice was no more than a whisper.

“What would make you say that?” He leaned his elbows on his knees and played with the edge of the blanket.

“I heard you and the commander outside.”

“Then you should have heard my answer to your stupid question.” He smiled lightly and it calmed my aching heart. “You are not weak Junho. Park doesn’t know what it is like in there, in the drift. He will never see you the way I do because he has never gone inside someone else’s head. All he sees are men, tools, pieces of a machine and when they are not working how and when he wants, he throws a fit. That is all.”

“Yeah, but he could have me replaced.”

Minjun shook his head. “He won’t though. It is too expensive and takes too much time to replace a pilot. We did well today. Got another one of those things down with no casualties and no major damage. He knows you are an asset.”

I sighed. I knew he was trying to reassure me, but it was little comfort. 

“Let me get the doctor and see if we can go back to our own beds now, ne?”

The doctor was a short man with smaller eyes than me, but a kind smile on his face. He ran a few tests and Minjun stood off to the side through it all.

“I have a few questions for you, Lee. If you would prefer, I can ask your partner to step outside for a moment.”

“There is no need,” I waved. “He will find out the moment we connect anyway.”

The doctor nodded and smiled. “I have studied a lot about the blue. So, it looks like you were suffering from neural exhaustion. When you try to take on too much stress, it puts pressure on your brain. Too much pressure and your body shuts down to protect yourself. Now, when you are in the Jaeger, do you fight the connection you have with your partner?”

“No,” I answered immediately.

“Don’t lie, Junho,” he said softly. “We all have things we want to hide, but now is not the time.”

I assessed the situation. The file in the doctor’s hands was awfully thick, and with the way he stared at me, he probably already knew my darkest secrets, the ones I wanted to hide even from my co-pilot. Choosing my words carefully, “There are certain things which the commander has asked that I not reveal.”

“Physical things?”

“Yes,” I sighed.

“Then you should know that I am already aware of them. Lee, what you choose to do in that aspect of your life is not my concern. My concern is that you are functioning at your full capacity. However, if one area encroaches on another and therefore impedes your ability to pilot, then I have to report it.”

“It isn't a problem!” I shouted suddenly. “It isn’t a problem. I have it under control.”

“No, you do not,” he said with a stern glance. “When you keep part of yourself closed off inside that machine, you risk harming yourself, your co-pilot and your weapon.”

“So what do you suggest,” I shot back with more venom. “I spill all my secrets over the loudspeaker so that I can continue to strap myself into a sparking hunk of metal to fight monsters from another world?”

“If it would help,” the doctor stood up. “At the very least, come clean with your partner so you can fight with a clear and relaxed head.” He shook his head and walked towards the door to face Minjun. “He is cleared for discharge here. I would recommend these prescriptions to keep the bleeding under control and he should come back for a follow up in the next three days.”

“Thank you,” Minjun took the slip of paper from the doctor’s hand and the man walked out, leaving me with an expressionless copilot. “Come on, get dressed so we can go shower and eat. I would bet you are starving.”

He reached out and hauled me out of bed, shoving clothes in my arms. “Minjun…”

“Whatever it is, Junho,” he said with a sad smile, “there is no rush to tell me. I will wait until you are ready. Just get dressed.”

I could see how much it pained him, that I was keeping secrets from him. All that trust, that solid foundation we had built over the past few months was crumbling. I couldn't risk losing him, but I would lose him either way. It would be better to have him disgusted at me than to think I didn't trust him.

“I’m gay,” I blurted out, a little louder than I anticipated. “I am gay, and I had a relationship with my previous copilot. I couldn't help it, he was amazing and perfect and it gets so intimate, being there in someone’s head day after day. And then he was ripped away from me. Everything was gone, he was gone and I was left broken and hopeless. And then I was assigned a new copilot and he understood what it was to have your other half taken away from you like that, and you were patient and kind and strong. But then we end up in the drift, every day inside each other’s heads and I can see what a good person you are and you are left with someone as disgusting as me, and I couldn’t bear it if you hated me, so I hid it. I couldn’t tell you that I was like this, that I was developing feelings for you even though I swore to myself I would never get emotional about anything ever again. But we had to spend every second of every day together and it got worse, and I had to hide more and more of myself so you wouldn't see and you wouldn’t hate me and it doesn't matter now because I had to tell you anyway and it is all going to be-”

Warm hands held my face, fingers brushing moisture away from my cheeks. “Fine. It is all going to be just fine,” he interrupted. “Relax, Junho. Deep breaths, there you go.”

I struggled to return my breathing to normal. Warm tears kept falling, everything in me afraid and ashamed. He shouldn’t be touching me.

“Hey,” he said, smooth tone that felt like velvet against my skin. “Everything is okay. I don’t hate you. I am strangely proud of you for admitting all that.”

I pulled away from him, his touch too gentle and creating little sparks against me. It shouldn’t feel like this, I couldn’t let it feel like this. It was too intimate, too close.

He stood back and pushed my clothes, signaling me to change. A curious smile on his face, he asked “Why do you think most of the pilots around here are siblings, families?”

Everyone knew that one. “Because family members are more compatible in the drift.”

“Because they share an intimate bond. Family knows you better than anyone else. That is why. Because to let yourself be in the drift at all, you have to be completely open. With family, there really aren’t any secrets in the first place, so it is no big deal. But for two strangers to go in together, they have to be compatible on so many more levels. Why do you think they ran so many tests on us?”

“Because we have no family,” I murmured like a chastised child.

“Because for two strangers to be compatible, we need to be more open, more honest with each other than others. And right now, we sit at one hundred percent, Junho. Which means we are perfect for each other.”

I nodded. It made sense, but it still didn’t ease the burning embarrassment and shame I felt. Finished changing, I stared at the floor until his shoes showed up in my vision. “Can we go now?”

He chuckled. “Sure. And Junho?” He held the door open for me. “I already knew about you and him. First time we drifted, I saw it. And I can feel it pulsing in the background when we drift now.”

It wasn’t a full twelve hours before we were called back in. The techs had made a few adjustments to the machine and it needed to be re-calibrated. I had gotten a few hours of restless sleep, but I dreaded this moment. We were set, strapped in and waiting for Wooyoung to begin the countdown.

“Hey,” Minjun looked at me. “Chill out. You are making me nervous.”

“Three…two…one…”

I fell into the blue. I wasn’t fighting it this time. Every thought, every emotion was laid out before me, before us. Each moment I stared after him, every breath we shared in sync, each heartbeat that sped up when he laughed. Slipping from my head into Minjun’s, I was afraid of what I would see there. I thought for sure that despite his kind words and gentle attitude about everything, he wouldn’t mean it. 

Color me surprised at what I found there. It was silk on my skin, warmth wrapping around me. Memories of him and me walking, talking, just being together. Concern during training and fear for me when we were out in combat. Nervousness when we were alone in the room together. They were all the same thoughts I had, the same emotions that coursed through me. 

When we finally made it to the other side of the link, I found myself panting heavily, feeling warm and almost aroused. I looked over and Minjun stood there, eyes closed and counting the seconds between breaths. He gazed my direction and stared in that way that completely unnerved me since the first day I met him.

“Woah,” Wooyoung’s voice came over the intercom and he sounded shocked. “Link stable at one hundred percent. Holy shit do you see this guys? It is like one brain…no I know it is supposed to be one brain you dumbass, but it is like Minjun and Junho are one person, not two people linked. This is so awesome. I wonder how they connected like this…”

Minjun’s thoughts nudged me forward and we completed our tasks without speaking for hours. The walk back to the room was unnerving in its silence and the door shut too loudly behind us, imprisoning the two of us in the room. Alone. With emotions coating our veins. Even without the drift, I could feel him in my head.

“I must be crazy,” I heard him whisper softly, stripping down and racing to take a shower.

Pressing my forehead against the door, I willed myself to calm down, for my body to cool off but it was a losing fight. The moment he was out, I raced in to douse myself in icy water. It did nothing more than make my skin feel tight and uncomfortable.

When I stepped out of the bathroom, I saw him there, sitting on the bottom bunk, elbows resting on his knees and hands folded together. He wore this distraught expression, like he was fighting with himself and the moment I stepped through the doorway, he looked up. I could feel his eyes trail along my body, caressing my flesh, warming me up with only his gaze. I couldn’t help but return the favor, drawing invisible lines along his collarbones and over his broad shoulders. 

One blink and he was standing in front of me. His heart was pounding, I could see it through the thin black tank he wore. Could he see that I was in the same state? Probably.

“Junho, I…”

I wanted him to. I wanted him to take that last half step forward and snare my lips, to grab me and throw me on the bunk and pull the towel away and claim me as his. I craved his hands tugging me closer to him, sharing a warmth that went more than skin deep. And I believe he would have…if it weren't for that damn alarm.

The sound was so loud, I nearly jumped out of my skin. The disappointment must have shown on my face because Minjun’s expression softened and he wasted a moment stroking my cheek before turning to pull on his jumpsuit. I sighed, realizing that the alarm was not going to stop, and suited up. But just before he could open the door, I gathered my courage.

One hand on his wrist, the other fisting his clothing, I leaned in forward and prayed he wouldn't push me away. Quite the opposite, he pulled me closer, wrapping his arms around me, and tilted his head slightly. And there it was. Rough and desperate and passionate, this kiss melted my soul. Everything about him pulled me in and wrapped me up. 

He forced us around and my back hit the door harshly. His tongue laced my bottom lip and I invited him in, tasting roughly, dangerously addicting. Hips rolled against each other and I pressed up against him, wishing I could melt into him if it were at all possible. The sweetest torture, his thigh slipping in between my legs.

Minjun’s hands slid down my chest, pulling open the zipper on my jumpsuit, and tugging my tank up a little to sear my skin with his fingertips. Embarrassingly loud, I groaned at his touch and reached down to palm him through his suit. Without truly separating from my lips, he panted against me, whispering my name sweetly. 

I couldn’t help it, rutting against him, seeking more pleasure and offering up the same in return. There wasn’t enough oxygen and the room was far too warm, but it only served to bring us closer. I wanted to finish him, hear his velvet voice call out my name in that moment of deepest pleasure. He was so hard against me, so hot even through the fabric.

Suddenly, someone outside banged on the door. Minjun pulled away only long enough to yell “Yeah?” before reattaching his lips to mine. I would have laughed at our desperation if I could manage to breathe.

“Kim, Lee! Report to Bay 7 immediately!”

“We’re coming!” he shouted back. Oh how true that was. With a low growl and an almost painful push against me, he trembled fiercely. It was all I needed to follow him, losing control of my limbs and only held up on my feet by his knee between my legs. He pulled away to rest his forehead against the wall next to my head. Warm breath tickled my ear before he tilted his head and lightly kissed my neck. I groaned when he started to pull back, not ready to let him go, but he only chuckled and murmured that we needed to change quickly. 

“I don’t want to,” I whined tiredly. “I don’t want to leave this room.”

His hands gently cupped my face, thumb brushing over my bottom lip. “Me either, but we have to. Come on, Junho. Come meet me again in the drift.”

By the time I was strapped into the Jaeger and we were headed out, my head had cleared a little and I realized exactly what I had left my sanctuary for. A category 4 Kaiju, the first for any of us.

Guardian and Seoul Survivor, one of the newest Jaegers in the fleet, were already on site when we dropped in, but it didn’t look good. The city was shredded, debris and blue blood everywhere, and the beast looked as strong as ever. This was the largest thing I had ever seen, and I had seen some big things. He was taller than our Jaeger by at least two hundred meters, with four clawed arms and a horned head.

“Took you long enough,” I heard Taecyeon spit through the com. 

Ignoring his venom, I hit the button. “Where do you want us?”

“Flank, left side. Survivor, hold your position as civilian guard. Disco, let’s get this thing away from the city. Kaiju is a four, codename Maelstrom.”

“Copy that.” Locking back into the machine, my body matched Minjun’s and his calm washed over me. “Ready?”

He looked over and smiled a little, just the corner of his lips turning up. I could hear his answer without him even opening his mouth. “Let’s do this.”

“Engage pulse cannon.”

We rushed around the side of the ruined buildings, getting on the back left of the behemoth. The commander shouted orders, and Wooyoung and the tech team spoke a language I didn’t understand in the background. Minjun and I ignored them all, focused only on the task at hand. 

“Firing cannon.” Bracing ourselves, we shot twice. Guardian got a little singed on the second shot, but the beast turned its head and we got a clear look at it. 

In its own way, the Kaiju was beautiful. Thick skin reflecting the lights of the city, body doused in phosphorus blue. Four eyes gleaming gold and intense and a throaty cry we could feel rattle the core of the Jaeger. In this moment, despite the fact that it was now headed our way to kill us, we had nothing but respect for the strength of this monster.

“Extending blades,” my mind whispered. Disengaging our right arm, we hit a few switches and felt our right arm shifting, changing. Two sharp blades, like knives extended from our forearm and locked into place.

“Here he comes.”

Barreling straight towards us, Maelstrom picked up momentum and we jogged backwards to lead it further away from the city. Swinging our arm, we caught it on the side of the face just as a set of limbs grabbed us around the middle. Like being put in a vice, it clamped down and things began cracking, our spines aching under the pressure.

Reaching up, we grabbed a hold of its horn and yanked hard to the side exposing its neck. Both blades hit the softer skin on the neck, but it did little more than anger the beast. It roared, the sound far too loud being so close to the sensors.

“Engage cannon.”

The whirring and spinning of the pulse cannon made our hand a little heavier and we twisted our wrist, aiming down. Our arm tensed at the jarring of the cannon as the light pounded into the beast’s eyes. One shot after another, the Kaiju had to loosen its grip around us to protect its face. We inhaled deeply, pain in our side as the pressure released. 

Staggering backwards, we tried to put as much space between our injured body and the beast. It swung wildly, claws barely catching at the metal paneling. 

“Towards the beach, away from the population.”

Using a few of the other small ammunition chambers, we teased it towards the ocean. The generators worked hard to keep up with our demands but we were just fast enough, just agile enough to keep out of the worst swipes. Guardian stayed a safe distance away so as not to tempt the beast in heading back towards the city, and they began to circle around.

“Keep it busy for a minute,” Taec commanded.

Maelstrom launched itself towards us and we grabbed it by the horn, swinging it with its own momentum away to deeper water. It reared up and roared, all our panels vibrating, before rushing towards us again. We put our knifed hand out and supported it with our other arm, hoping to spear it a little. At the last second, we stepped slightly out of the way and caught the beast on the side. 

It was too fast for us though, and one of its arms grabbed our leg, clipping the knee and sending us crashing to the side. Sensors went haywire trying to demand that we put Disco upright again. By the time we were back on two feet, the Kaiju was right on top of us. Two arms grappling at the head where the cockpit was, and two other arms trying to get a firm hold elsewhere.

“Use the chest missiles!” Wooyoung suggested. Chest missiles? We scrolled through a short menu and noticed the new addition. One launched, flying up and exploding uselessly in the air. The second managed to fly straight and hit the monster in the chest, forcing it to stagger back a bit. We expected more, but if there were any other missiles, they sat useless and wouldn't fire.

Now that we were a few steps away from the Kaiju, Guardian came out from the water behind us and opened fire. Equipped with heavier fire power, missiles on their chest plate, they let loose on the creature, spraying phosphorous slime everywhere. The flare and debris from the blast distorted our view for a moment and we blinked hard, white spots everywhere.

Earthquakes rocked the ground beneath us as the beast came crashing down, face first at our feet. It groaned, struggling for a moment before all the muscles relaxed. And then came the silence. Frazzled pieces of our screen created blind spots, but Maelstrom was large enough to see between them. Dead. We did it once again, and we breathed a sigh of relief.

“No vitals on Maelstrom,” Wooyoung reported in our ear. “Choppers in the area. Guardian will be lifted first. Disco, power down extremities and standby for secondary transport.”

“Roger that,” we said.

Minjun looked over at me with a smirk, and I chuckled in relief. The adrenaline still pulsed under our skin and I could feel every spark. Disengaging my hands from the machine, I shut down all the outer generators. The subtle vibrating in our hands and feet stopped as the engines quit running, making our skin tingle, but we remained connected.

With everything quiet for next half hour, it was easy to hear the silent pulsing, Minjun whispering my name, me whispering his in the back of our minds. There was no doubt I was going to jump him the second we reached our room, and he sniggered at my thought. There was an intimate quiet between us that I wished could last forever.

“Disco! Disco come in!” Wooyoung shouted far too loud.

“Disco here,” I hit the com, wincing against the volume after all the quiet.

“Re-engage extremities! Re-engage!” We could hear the bustling behind him as he screamed at us.

Without hesitation, we began hitting switches, but the engines would take a few minutes to fully engage.

“What is going on?”

“Maelstrom is still alive! Guardian is in the air, so you are on your own for a moment. I repeat, the Kaiju is still alive! Ah shit!”

The engines were on, but there was still no connection to the sensors, so there was no way we could control our arms or legs yet. The scanners started beeping, signaling movement outside, the beast beginning to pick itself up. We were simply sitting here, waiting for death to claim us. The smooth voice of the computer mocked us, “Six minutes to full function.”

I turned my head to look over at my other half, the screens lighting up with the jaws of the monster. Maelstrom staggered to its feet, circling us, screaming in rage. He crouched, ready to spring as the woman announced the five minute mark. But Minjun looked as calm as ever, filled with acceptance and peace.

“It is not likely, but we could still make it. Probably not though. Probably not. Sorry we wasted so much time. We could have loved longer. If we weren't so stubborn. If we weren't so human. Love you. I know.”

We pulled our arm up, testing the straining engines, but it was no use. We couldn’t move. And then he said something stupid.

“Disengage. Disengage, Junho.” He was staring at me, absorbing every fracture of light one last time, as was I. I understood what he was trying to do. Lessen the blow, dull the pain a little.

He had told me once. “Knowing and experiencing it firsthand are two different things, Lee. Unless you have experienced death first hand, you will never know.” I had experienced death, a few times now, and I knew it wasn’t going to hurt any less with him out of my head. Instead, I wanted him there. I wanted him for every last nanosecond I could have with him, and I knew he felt the same way. But was it selfish for us to ask the other to experience that sort of agony, amplified in the blue of the drift? 

“Disco,” the commander boomed through the cockpit. “You are the only thing right now between that monster and the citizens of this country. You hold it back, whatever the cost.”

How much could a toy robot without power do against a monster from an alien race? Nothing.

The first bite was the most painful, teeth upon teeth piercing into the left shoulder, pulling and ripping the metal to pieces. We screamed in sync, suffering every raw spark along our nerves. The Kaiju bit down harder, severing wires and piercing engines as though we were nothing. And then it pulled, tearing the arm and portions of our main generator right off.

“Three minutes to full function.” We felt that blissful numbness creeping in, the arm deadening and the other motors finally warming up. There was hope after all.

No there wasn’t.

The beast picked us up like the rag doll we were and flung us in the air, catching us with three of its arms. Holding us wide open, its jaws wrapped around the head and neck and clamped down. The steel screamed in protest as it was torn apart, electricity sparking everywhere from cables cut in half. Everything was too loud now.

My head split open, my brain on fire and shredding to pieces, like pulling a cotton ball apart, each thread snapping as Minjun and I grew further apart. I desperately struggled to hold on to those threads, to keep us connected. Pain, terror, strength, courage, memories upon memories. It was too much for me to take. I could feel him, could feel me losing him. 

“Vitals dropping. Oxygen at 32%. Heart rate at 191 and rising.” I could vaguely hear the techs in the background. 

“Wooyoung, sever their connection!”

“It already is! They are both disconnected from the Jaeger and each other!”

“Then why does it look like they are still linked?”

“Because they are!”

“That is not possible!”

Confusion and chaos. It was a whirlwind around me. Orders being shouted, the machine announcing stats and lack of progression. Our core was on overdrive and would probably shut down completely soon. The engines were in pieces and the backup power generators were struggling to keep up.

“One minute to full power.”

“Junho…” The voice was so vague in my shattered mind, I didn’t hear it at first. “Junho…”

Straining my neck to look over at my copilot was a chore. He was hanging limply in the straps, breathing shallow and all his vital bars were in the red. He was dying. I tried to reach out for him, but he was too far away.

“I am never too far away.” His voice was closer now, like he was pulling me in and stroking my cheek. “We only have a few minutes left. Lets make them count.”

“Stay with me in the drift. Promise.”

“I promise.”

With every ounce of energy I had left, I disengaged myself from the machine, hauling my body over to his side. Teeth continued to grind through the steel and chaos surrounded me, but my mind was set. Flipping a few switches, the straps loosened and Minjun fell into my body. The Kaiju shook its head a little, throwing us around in the cockpit, but I managed to land back on the left side. Strapping Minjun back in with me, we leaned heavily on the frame, his chest armor pressed against mine, the plastic scratching.

“Ten seconds to full power.”

“Engage pulse cannon.” 

That familiar and comforting whirring picked up and I chuckled in relief. Our arm lit white, the cannon powering up. Maelstrom didn’t find this as amusing as we did and pulled its jaws away from our core. Grabbing tight to our arm, the beast’s hold was a vice grip. Jaws locked down around the head of the cannon.

“Pulse cannon engaged. Full power activated.”

I pushed up with my arm and tugged as hard as I could on the cannon. Not sure how many times, I fired until there was nothing left, only the loose clicking. Sharp teeth hooked into the steel of our arm, and as we all fell, the rigging came loose. There was no feeling in either arm now, but that was alright because Minjun was still strapped safely against my chest. 

We caught heavily in the straps as we crashed hard onto our front. Water began filling up the inside of the machine and I tried to unlock us from the machine, but it was no use. 

“Disco!” Wooyoung shouted into the mic. “Disco come in!”

“Don’t you dare ruin our record!” Taec growled in the background, worry coating his voice.

I managed to jam the button to fully disengage from the Jaeger, but I could still feel it. Just like I could feel him. Yanking my helmet off, I ripped his off as well so I could see his face. His eyes fluttered open, but that was the only movement. Taking a closer look, I realized he had been ripped through, huge holes in his armor, in his body. The Kaiju’s teeth must have caught him.

Conflicted. I wanted him to let go, to be free of the agony I knew he was in. But how could I be without him for any amount of time? I couldn’t. And he was only holding on for me. If he died while we were still connected like this, it would kill me too. Was that such a bad thing?

“What is there after life?”

His eyes pulled me in. “Nothing. Only the drift. Memories.”

Minjun frowned, the pain spiking a little as the Jaeger shifted, falling apart further, and I groaned. 

“I’m tired.”

I heard him clearly, his way of kindly asking me to let him go. I was scared. What if I never saw him again?

“You can always find me in the drift.”

“Hurry up and wait for me then.”

His body twitched a little and I felt his desire to be closer. I wrapped my armored fingers around his and leaned in to press my forehead against his. Leaving the lightest kiss to his lips, the pressure in my head lessened, and then flared. 

Blinded by anguish, there were ruptures in my mind, in my soul. My body fought to keep me here, to keep me physically whole. But it is impossible when half of your soul is gone. I couldn’t stay like this, ripping in two, one side had to give. I would have to die and be with him, or live and lose him. The choice was obvious.

The machines continued to beep loudly, people screaming through the speakers. Choppers overhead shook the Jaeger and my own decision shook my body. Water filled up around me, blue water with bluer Kaiju blood.

And then peace. Like falling, like flying. It was easy, this letting go business. Suddenly, nothing hurt and everything grew quiet. All I saw was blue, soft and filled with images. Moments and snapshots of life, some I recognized and some I didn’t. How long did I float around there? There was no way to tell.

Something familiar approached me, walking slowly. If I had a beating heart still, it would have stopped.

“JiHoon?” I stared at him. In all his perfection, he looked the same as I remembered him in the best of our time together.

He smiled. “Hello Junho.”

“How…?”

“You can always find the ones you love here. I knew one day, I would see you again.” He chuckled. “I am proud of you. You became the man I always hoped you would be.”

Those words heated up my skin in pleasurable ways. “Thank you,” I managed to whisper.

“Ah, you aren’t here to see me, are you?” He always had a way of knowing.

“I am looking for someone. He promised he would wait for me.”

JiHoon stepped in close and wrapped his arms around me. He was still pleasantly warm, the kind of warmth I remembered from our long nights together, and I couldn’t help but cling to him. “He is just up ahead.”

He pulled away and ruffled my hair and I laughed. “You know, JiHoon? We kind of look alike.”

He laughed loudly and waved as I jogged away, looking for the one I wanted to see. He was there, just ahead talking with someone else. I recognized the man from Minjun’s memories. Jay. Hanging back for a minute, I didn't want to interrupt them. I didn't really have the right to do so. But my longing for Minjun reached him anyway and he turned to look at me.

Flawless, perfect, mine. His eyes brightened and he smiled, radiating, and waved me closer. Jay looked me over as I stepped up and nodded.

“You done good, kid,” Jay said, hugging Minjun for a moment. “Take care of him Junho.” 

Without another word, he moved away, vanishing into the blue. Minjun ran a soft hand down my arm and I looked down shyly.

“Were you waiting long?” I wondered.

“An eternity.” My eyes shot up, worried, but he just smiled. “It was worth it.” He studied my face for a long time, running slender fingers over my features as I clung to his clothes. There was no trace of anything we had left behind. No scars, no blood, no fear. There was only peace here.

“Smile for me Junho. Just a little…”


End file.
